We all get times when our relationship or family start to show signs of wear and tear!
Sometimes, a small disagreement can turn into an argument and there are times when none of the parties will remember how it happened. It’s not easy to get back to the original issue as other things may have been brought into play, as in ”Last week you said……” and “She told me…..” for instance.
If you are having family or relationship issues that are disturbing enough to create a conflict, you will first need to establish some common ground or the inability to see the real issue may be lost forever. We build our own ‘story’ of events and add our hurt feelings. Each persons ‘story’ of the disagreement will be different.
In most cases I find the following mediation system works well ;
- Go back to when and what started the conflict and ask everyone write down their own version in brief.
- Each member of the conflict needs to use EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) and tap on the anger, hurt, guilt……or whatever comes up before you take the next step. Here is an example…. Set up….Even though I have this anger (etc) , I love and accept myself completely. Then on the reframe the words to use are …I choose to release my anger (etc)…….I send forgiveness, acceptance and love to myself and all the others.
- Around the table, take turns to talk about the issue using the FACTS not emotions
- Everyone must HEAR the others in the dispute, so give time to listen to each persons ‘story’
- When all the versions have been heard, take some time for this to digest.
- Have another listening session and see where the understanding of people failings and shortcomings can be used to further the discussion.
- Look for the underlying reasons for perceived ‘bad behaviour’ …tap together for your INTENTION TO RESOLVE THIS ISSUE
- Consider the next steps; maybe another round table meeting. Resist the temptation to talk about people behind their backs in a negative way….look for the positive in each other and provide love and support for the most vulnerable.
- Accept that not everyone will agree, but there is a way forward with forgiveness, even of the worst of so-called ‘crimes’…!
We are all human beings and compassion is the finest expression of our humanity.
If you need more personal support with this please contact me for a chat and see what we can do together to resolve your pain.
In happiness and love