If you have been in what you thought was a good relationship, and then your partner left you, the emotional pain is the same as bereavement, in fact, it could be worse.
To be bereaved after years of life together being alone is always tough, and my programme for widows covers that in-depth, but the work I do with women also includes those who have been left without knowingly being at fault
To see the man you love, still walking around, still having a life, often with another woman, is the most painful thing we can imagine. To say goodbye, prepare a funeral, sort of clothes and effects is tough, but not to do it, can be so much more difficult.
What can you do? How do you cope?
A lot depends on the final parting, was it amicable, can you still be friends?
I have found that in many cases the shock of betrayal closes a proper emotional response, the person becomes unable to function and relies on thoughts of what could have been. What did she do wrong, how cruel he is, the anger inside blocks out all thoughts, sleeping is impossible, eating too much or too little, talking it through with her girlfriends……the pain goes on…
To make this less painful, it is better to allow the feelings to surface but not to make ‘blame’ the foundation on which you dwell. Not self-blame, but self-care, not anger but awareness and maybe even some understanding of why. Partnership relationships are the most intense, and the most difficult to get right. They say a marriage is made in heaven when it goes well, there is no phrase for one that fails.
It takes two to tango, it also takes a huge amount of courage to face the fact that you have been ‘dumped’…that is the pain, the internal dialogue of, what, why and how. It will ease, but like all bereavements it takes time.
Your souls were once in a partnership, living in tandem and sharing your life, now you are separate but your soul will take some time to register that. That is the pain.
If the separation is mutual, a new life can be created and many who through this can find a happy and fulfilled life, but if you have been left for no fault of yours and are experiencing the emotional distress that this can cause, call me.
Diane – I feel your pain xx