Are there days when you really can’t stand someone? Is your job creating frustration; no one listens to you and you consider them to be a load of rubbish anyway! Do you drive fast up to traffic lights and have to brake hard to stop in time? Do you raise your voice to people before you have had time to listen to them?
If it’s yes to any of the above, I guess you are angry. My sympathies are with you. Many people get angry and in some cases there is no real cause. It’s habitual; it’s a habit and like all habits it can be broken.
Anger and stress create life threatening diseases; it reduces your life expectancy and gives grief, not only to the perpetrator but to all who have to be in his/her environment.
When you say things in haste, you no doubt will, on occasions feel regret, remorse and maybe even shame. So why put yourself through all of that, when by controlling your anger, you would have a clear conscience and a happy life.
Turning anger into love is the ideal but not so easy; turning anger into acceptance is easier and therefore is the first step I would recommend you try.
When someone/something makes you angry put brain in gear before mouth or fists..! Think about the reason you are angry and turn it round….for instance your boss or family member said …”blah, blah, blah” in a hasty and unkind way. Why, did he say that? That person is not you and his words or actions are his, not yours.
Accept that he is in a difficult place and take a deep breath; if you have transgressed then apologise , but leave space between the outburst and your reaction. So instead of anger your response is considered, that is wisdom and needs to be learned and practiced .
Say a car runs into your back bumper…that is his/her fault, by law. But in that instant you have no idea of any extenuating circumstances so you cannot make any judgement. An angry or hasty reaction will not serve your purpose or help anyone. In this case the wise way is to accept what had happened with decorum, help the driver, who may be someone like your very best friend and even traumatised; then sort out the legalities with gentle humility.
Your reactions are modified to thoughtful response; then you have no anger to deal with, or stress that will make you ill. Life is not a battle that one has to fight to survive, but rather a series of small events that are sometimes good and sometimes not so good. It’s your perceptions of and your response to these events that makes you an angry or a happy person.
Know that you can develop yourself to be the person you really want to be; you are not stuck with the you, you think you are. It does take time and perseverance but it is so worth while.
That is what coaching and mentoring can do for anyone; use the wisdom and skills that good Life Coaches have, take yourself in hand …just do it.
If you find that this concept is not easy to absorb then please contact me and see if I can help you change your anger to acceptance and see how happy you can be. A bit of coaching can work wonders.
Diane – wishing you contentment and a happy life