Coping with widowhood can be an immensely challenging journey for women, marked by emotional turbulence and profound adjustments.
I have been widowed twice and it does not get any easier. As most of my readers will know my partner of ten years passed away last July, and the reason we were together was for companionship, love and sharing into our later years. My previous husband was older than me but we had 29 years together, and his death, although expected, slammed into me like a wall of ice.
Some of us are left with profound grief, and a lack of direction and some with a distinct lack of money. I choose not to dwell on the lack and consider myself resilient and capable, but there are days when this positive approach to life, just doesn’t cut it.
Firstly, it’s vital to acknowledge and honour the grief; allowing ourselves to feel and express emotions is a crucial step in the healing process. Cry when you want to…rest and find comfort.
Healing comes from within and will take time, to resist being overwhelmed will sometimes mean being more alone than you would think. I found too many people being nice to me was too much to take.
Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can provide solace and understanding during this trying time, though this is often short-lived. People get on with their own lives very quickly.
Engaging in self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies can offer moments of respite and rejuvenation amidst the pain. Give yourself some love, whatever it is, even if you think it’s not good for you, do it.
Additionally, but not too soon, finding ways to preserve memories of your spouse can be comforting; creating photo albums or writing about shared experiences may foster a sense of connection. I did this when my husband died after about a year, but it was still so painful, I dripped tears on the photos, but cathartic in a way.
Exploring new interests or volunteer opportunities can help rebuild a sense of purpose and identity. In both instances I have rekindled the love of my work, helping other people is my sanctuary and purpose.
I help people to see that death is not the end, we all go along the same path, and no one is immortal, but by understanding a little of the spirit world, I know our souls go on…we can retain connections and I can teach you how.
Finally, be patient with yourself—recovery from loss is a gradual process, and it’s okay to seek professional help if needed. Remember, while the pain of loss may never fully dissipate, it can eventually coexist with newfound strength and resilience.
It is empowering to cope alone, to travel solo, to love single-table meals, to move at your own pace, to create your new pattern of living and maybe learn things you would have have considered before.
Here for you, with all my experience and compassion…